Filtering Values in the Dating Game
by: Brian Maloney
Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to take the first step and open up a dialogue on a subject with depth and substance?
It would seem only natural to try to obtain such vital information in order to make a reasonable assessment as to whether your date could have potential.
However, most people, due to either being too uptight, or merely too busy playing the “let me put on my best face front”, whether it’s you or just a fraction of you, do not probe for the others’ values initially.
This, yet not brain surgery, can become quiet a hurdle to overcome even for the most savvy of daters.
Unfortunately, it may take many dates to overcome this obstacle and if you find that this person, is indeed not someone worth proceeding with, then guess what? You not only may have wasted your money, but worst yet, you wasted that precious commodity called time..
Do this enough, and you can see and sympathize with good people who just want to find another good person to spend the rest of their life with.
Certainly, I wouldn’t advocate anyone attempting the hard-line approach with a prospective mate by asking them to “not beat around the bush” or to “bottom-line me”.
This will more than likely cause a seemingly fun loving person to simply disregard you due to your edginess.
Therfore, if time is one of the most important things in the world and wasting it is like sleeping on a bed of nails; one would definitely have to discern that filtering and sifting others’ values prior moving forward, would assist in this crazy game.
Yes, the days of going on blind dates and getting set up by others is still alive, but not as alive as it used to be, due to the Internet, newspapers, and the like.
With that said, this emerging concept allows a seeker to almost be able to pick and choose like shopping at the local grocery store. This fact may sound crass, but it’s true, and this is where the future of dating is heading, even though you still will find a more unafraid crowd which some people would call lonely hearts
I see this as intelligent people who, when they submit themselves to a database of others, want to immerse themselves into something worthwhile, sooner than later, instead of getting lost in the potential maze of dating.
Of course this is not the only way to filter out bad apples.
One could take the classic route and blow off the dating services, save their money, and forge ahead without that assistance.
There is nothing wrong with this approach, but be prepared to run through many more dead-end dates before finding that rose among the thorns.
If, for example; you find out that your dealing with a person who does not want children, but it took you several dates to figure this out, then ascertaining this important fact on the first, or at the latest the second date, should be a focus of yours.
In a casual manner, many of important pieces of information about another person’s value system can be obtained genuinely on the first date.
The key is not beating them so hard over the head that it’s obvious you have no possibility of being remotely flexible.
It’s like the same concept of people wanting everyone to ask them for identification because it makes them feel safer from ID theft, even though many of these new safeguards take more time.
People who have similar values as yourself will more than likely appreciate your subtle curiosity and up-front persona.
Yes, it is a fine line we all walk because we want to come off appealing, yet, we surely need to know certain things in order to move forward with prospects.
Focus from here on out when dating to not only have a good time, but to obtain information by asking appropriate questions over the course of the date, rather than concentrating them over a couple of minutes.
Without a doubt, this approach will pay dividends in your race to capture that perfect someone to stroll down the aisle with.
About The Author
Brian Maloney – ValuePrep.com
Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality relationship advice for guys and women from a ‘Logical’ standpoint. Visit http://valueprep.com
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This article was posted on January 12, 2005